All men (and, ahem, women) have a catalog of memories from past sexual encounters that can be utilized — and fantasized about — when the mood strikes. From your first intimate encounters as a young adult to when you really started to get the hang of it, and all of the moments in between, those racy thoughts aren’t just nice to indulge in, but they can make your masturbation habit go from just-fine to super-hot.

Of those reveries, one of the sexiest that really gets you going is anytime your partner has touched herself in front of you. While your hands or mouth might not have been invited to play along, there’s something incredibly erotic and inspiring about watching a girl warming herself up with careful, intentional strokes and movements. It can help you identify the pressure points that you should be focusing on the next time you have a romp together and it opens up a whole other dimension to your sexual routine as a couple.

In addition to some very real health benefits — increased blood flow, happy endorphins and a radiant sex drive — masturbating can bring you closer, open up a plethora of new experiences to try together and get you out of a boring rut. While too much of a good thing might be a bad thing, when both you and your female partner play with yourselves on a semi-regular basis, you might be mighty surprised with just how much of difference it can make in your sex lives.

But if your current lady isn’t as keen to masturbate, it could be tough for you to build up the courage to ask her to touch herself in front of you, or even start that conversation. But many sexual experts agree: two willing parties who invest in both their pleasure and their partner’s make for a healthier, happier sex life and relationship. Thankfully for you, we’ve rounded up the best advice on how to get your girl to go to town… all by herself.