How to Talk Sexy (and Not Sound Stupid)
You know lusty language can be hot, but where to begin? With this advice from erotica writer Rachel Kramer Bussel.
The women I know seem to have no trouble whatsoever with being dirty. But talking dirty can instantly induce performance anxiety. What if you pick the wrong words and kill the mood? Or, worse, completely embarrass yourself? Men seem better at nasty-speak (probably from years of inner-monologue practice), but I think it’s time for women to join in the fun. Talking dirty is a terrific turn-on, once you’re comfortable doing it. Here’s how to get there.
Step 1: Start softly. Whisper, “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” and then lick his earlobe. Compliment him. On anything. (The men, they go wild for praise.) Talk about his chest, his butt, his abs—if you like it, now’s the time to say so. But don’t launch into actually doing much yet; keep the focus on what you’re saying.
Step 2: He’ll probably respond with something like “I’ve been thinking about you too.” So ask him, in your best Scarlett Johansson voice, what exactly has been going through his head. Put your hands over his eyes so he can picture what he’s been fantasizing about. (And so you don’t have to look him in the eye when you’re saying things that would make your mother blush. You can work up to that.)
Step 3: Now it’s time to really talk. If you’re comfortable saying things like “I want your ___ in my ___,” go for it. But if you’re still getting used to being verbal, think of your last hot night together and tell him what you liked about it. (Example: “I loved the way you grabbed my breasts.” Bonus points for using a less vanilla term.) Give him permission and he’ll follow your lead.
Step 4: Keep in mind that you don’t want all talk and no action—you want both! Ask him where he wants you to touch him next, or where he wants to touch you. It’s like show-and-tell for grown-ups, and it gives him the chance—if he’s not as bold as you—to ease into the conversation. The key here is to take small, sexy steps, not to launch into massive raunchiness. (Remember that episode of Sex and the City in which Miranda’s first attempt at dirty talk included “You just love a finger in your ass”? Yeah, it didn’t end well.)
Step 5: Keep the patter going once the clothes come off. Actual sex is the best time for naughty banter, because you’re so distracted by getting it on that you forget to be nervous. This is also a great time to confess a fantasy: role playing, threesomes, bondage. And if he’s doing something that’s really working, let him know while you’re in the moment, with great enthusiasm. He’ll love that most of all.